Marriage and family, questions and answers.
Nikah, mahr, rights in marriage, parents, and divorce. 30 answers, Hanafi first, with the Quran and hadith behind each one.
- What are the conditions of a valid nikah in Islam?A nikah is valid when a man and a woman who are lawful for each other make an offer and acceptance (ijab and qabul) in one sitting, with their consent, in front of two qualified witnesses. Mahr is due but naming it is not a condition. In the Hanafi school an adult woman's own consent completes the contract; the other three schools also require her wali.
- Can a woman marry without a wali in Islam?In the Hanafi school, yes: an adult, sane woman can contract her own nikah. But if she marries a man who is not her equal (kufu) without her wali's consent, the relied-upon Hanafi fatwa is that the nikah does not take place. The Shafi'i, Maliki and Hanbali schools hold that a nikah without a wali is not valid at all.
- How many witnesses are needed for a nikah?Two. In the Hanafi school they can be two Muslim men, or one Muslim man and two Muslim women, who are sane, adult and hear the offer and acceptance together. The Shafi'i and Hanbali schools accept only two just Muslim men. Without witnesses the nikah is not valid.
- What is the minimum mahr in Islam?In the Hanafi school the minimum mahr is 10 dirhams of silver, about 30.6 grams of silver, or its value in money. There is no maximum, but a modest mahr is sunnah. The Shafi'i and Hanbali schools set no minimum, and the Maliki minimum is a quarter dinar of gold or three dirhams of silver.
- What is deferred mahr in Islam?Deferred mahr (muwajjal or mu'akhkhar) is the part of the mahr the husband agrees to pay later instead of at the nikah. It is a real debt he owes. In the Hanafi school, if no date is set, it falls due at divorce or at death, and it is paid from his estate before inheritance is shared.
- Is a secret nikah valid in Islam?It depends on the conditions. In the Hanafi school a nikah with ijab and qabul before two Muslim witnesses is valid even if kept quiet, but hiding it is makruh and causes real harm. If there were no witnesses, or a woman married a non-kufu man without her wali, it is not valid. The Maliki school voids a nikah the parties agree to keep secret.
- Is an online nikah valid?Not directly, in the Hanafi school. A nikah over a video or phone call is not valid because the bride, groom and witnesses are not in one sitting. The accepted way is for the absent person to appoint an agent (wakil) by phone, message or video, and the agent then does the nikah in person in front of two witnesses.
- Can a Muslim man marry a Christian or Jewish woman?Yes, a Muslim man may marry a chaste Christian or Jewish woman who truly holds to her faith, and the four schools agree. In the Hanafi school it is makruh, and strongly so when living outside Muslim lands, because of the risk to the children's faith. A Muslim woman may not marry a Christian or Jewish man.
- Why can't a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man?Because Allah has forbidden it: a Muslim woman's nikah with any non-Muslim man, including a Christian or Jew, is void, and the four schools agree. The man must sincerely accept Islam first. The wisdom scholars mention is the protection of her faith and her children's faith, since the husband leads the home and children usually follow the father.
- Can a Muslim marry a Hindu?No. A Muslim man may not marry a Hindu woman and a Muslim woman may not marry a Hindu man, unless the Hindu partner sincerely accepts Islam first. The four schools agree. The same applies to Sikhs, Buddhists, atheists and followers of any religion other than Christianity and Judaism.
- Is dating haram in Islam?Yes, dating in the usual Western sense is haram: being alone together, physical touch and a romantic relationship outside nikah are all forbidden, and the four schools agree. Getting to know a possible spouse for marriage is allowed, with modesty, a clear purpose and the family involved, without privacy or touching.
- Is it haram to fall in love before marriage?No, feelings that come to the heart are not a sin in themselves, since you are not held to account for what you cannot control. What can become haram is what you do with them: private meetings, romantic talk and touch. Islam's answer to love between two people is nikah, and the four schools agree.
- Can you talk to your fiancé before nikah?Yes, for a need: to get to know each other for marriage, with modest, purposeful talk and the family aware. But an engaged couple are still non-mahram until the nikah, so being alone together, touching and romantic or intimate talk are not allowed. The four schools agree on this.
- What are the rules of engagement in Islam?An engagement (khitbah) is a promise to marry, not a marriage. The couple remain non-mahram, and either side may end it for a good reason, although breaking a promise without cause is disliked. An engagement party is permissible if it is free of haram. Do not propose to someone already engaged to another man.
- What is a walimah and is it sunnah?The walimah is the wedding meal the husband gives to celebrate his marriage, and it is sunnah in the Hanafi school. It is best held after the couple have come together, on the day after or within a few days. It should be modest, and accepting a walimah invitation is a sunnah you should not miss without an excuse.
- What are the rights of a wife in Islam?A wife's rights include her mahr, nafaqah (food, clothing and a home of her own suited to the husband's means), kind treatment, intimacy, fairness if he has more than one wife, freedom to keep her own wealth, and the chance to visit her parents and learn her religion. The four schools agree on these basics.
- What are the rights of a husband in Islam?A husband's rights include his wife's obedience in what is reasonable and not sinful, her company in intimacy unless she has a valid excuse, not admitting people he dislikes to the home, guarding his honour and property, and asking his permission before leaving home or keeping voluntary fasts. The four schools agree on these basics.
- Does the husband have to provide for his wife in Islam?Yes. Nafaqah (maintenance) is wajib on the husband: food, clothing and housing, according to his means. The wife does not have to spend on the home even if she is rich or works, and her income is hers. If she chooses to help, it is a charity with double reward. The four schools agree on this.
- What is forbidden between husband and wife in intimacy?Most things between spouses are halal, with a few clear limits: intercourse during the wife's period or postnatal bleeding, anal intercourse at any time, relations during the daytime fast or in ihram or i'tikaf, and telling others about your private life. The four schools agree on these, with a small difference on closeness during periods.
- Is birth control allowed in Islam?Temporary, reversible contraception is permissible for a married couple with a valid reason and the wife's agreement, based on the Companions' practice of 'azl (withdrawal). It is makruh without a real reason. Permanent sterilisation is not allowed except for a serious medical need. The four schools broadly agree.
- What are the conditions to marry a second wife in Islam?A Muslim man may have up to four wives at once if he can treat them justly: equal nights, separate housing and fair provision, and if he can afford to support them. If he fears he will be unjust, one wife is the command. In Shariah the first wife's permission is not a condition of validity, but the law of the land and her rights must be considered.
- Can you marry your cousin in Islam?Yes. Marrying a first cousin, on the father's or the mother's side, is halal in Islam, and the four schools agree. Cousins are not among the relatives the Quran forbids. It is not obligatory or specially recommended, and couples with a family history of genetic illness may wish to seek medical advice.
- Can I marry without my parents' permission in Islam?For a man, the nikah is valid, though going against parents without good reason is wrong. For a woman, the Hanafi school holds the nikah valid if the man is her kufu (suitable match), but not if he is unsuitable and her wali did not agree. The other three schools require the wali in every case. Try hard to win your parents over first.
- Are arranged marriages allowed in Islam?Yes, arranged marriages are allowed and common, as long as both the man and the woman freely agree. A forced marriage is not allowed. In the Hanafi school an adult woman cannot be married without her consent, even by her father, and if she is, the nikah depends on her approval. Other schools give a father more say over a virgin daughter.
- Does a wife have to live with her in-laws in Islam?No. In the Hanafi school a wife has the right to private accommodation of her own, at least a lockable room with her own facilities, free from her in-laws, according to the husband's means. She is not legally bound to serve his parents, though kindness to them is a virtue and a great reward. The husband must care for his parents himself.
- What is the divorce process in Islam?Divorce (talaq) is allowed but should be a last resort. The sunnah way is for the husband to give one talaq while his wife is in a clean period without intimacy, then let her complete her iddah (waiting period). He can take her back during the iddah after a first or second talaq; after the iddah they need a new nikah. A third talaq ends the marriage finally.
- Does three talaq at once count as three?Yes. In the Hanafi school, and in all four schools, three talaqs given in one sitting count as three, and the marriage ends with no chance to take her back. Giving them together is a sinful, innovated form (talaq al-bid'ah). Some later scholars hold that they count as one, but that is not the position of the four schools.
- What is khula and can a woman divorce her husband?A woman cannot give talaq herself unless her husband gave her that right, but she can end the marriage through khula: she asks for a separation and returns the mahr or agrees on another payment. In the Hanafi school khula needs the husband's agreement and counts as one irrevocable talaq. If he refuses and there is real harm, a Muslim judge or council can dissolve the marriage.
- Is talaq valid if said in anger?Usually yes. In the Hanafi school a talaq said in ordinary anger counts, since most divorces happen in anger. It does not count only if the anger was so extreme that the husband did not know what he was saying, or lost control so that his words and actions became abnormal. Ask a mufti about your exact case.
- Is divorce by text message valid in Islam?Yes. In the Hanafi school a clearly written talaq counts just like a spoken one, so a text, WhatsApp message or email from the husband saying "I divorce you" takes effect, even if he later says he did not mean it. Unclear wording needs intention. If someone else sent it without his knowledge, it does not count.